im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
