if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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