so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
