Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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