i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
