We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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