is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
