how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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