That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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