I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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