you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
