his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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