I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
