I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
