She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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