yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
