I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
