my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
