I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
