some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
it was like having sex with a tree stump
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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