You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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