Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
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