Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
