You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
