On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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