I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
