it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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