That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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