why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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