Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
