I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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