take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
