when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
