you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
