Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
