my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
