im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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