dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
