Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Dicks are not precious.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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