I think i peed on brittanys purse
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
