i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
