Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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