we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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