Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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