I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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