I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
