is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
