I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
