Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
