I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
