come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize