remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
high people should be assigned attendants
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She bit a glass in half.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
