first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
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