They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
