Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
