I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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