Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
