that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
