I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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