What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
