if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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