So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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