put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I pour the whiskey from now on
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
