We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
